Thank Ute, Next

The 2018 Holiday Bowl was well underway when I woke up from my nap on New Year’s Eve. It was half time and the Utah Utes were leading my Northwestern Wildcats 20-3.

“We’re gonna crush ’em!” I asserted rather sarcastically while wearing not one but two purple shirts. My dad laughed. Every day for five days leading up to this college football match he had reminded me that University of Utah’s Coach Kyle Whittingham was 11-1 in bowl games. “That’s one thing about coach Whitt,” Utes cornerback Julian Blackmon told The Salt Lake Tribune earlier that week, “we don’t lose bowl games.”

My best friend was visiting for the holidays and lobster bisque was on the stove so spirits were high regardless of this pending loss.

“We already know Northwestern’s going to lose,” my friend said at the start of the third quarter. My guys may have had their feet to the fire but their eyes were on the prize. A few favorable fumbles and a couple of uninterrupted sprints later, the Wildcats won 31-20.

Battling chronic illness is a little like managing a football team. Five seasons in, the Strugglebus Babes have faced a rollercoaster of highs and lows but bounce back from a loss with aplomb, like Ariana Grande rebounds from a break-up. As the veteran quarterback, I’ve called the shots on this field from the jump. I feel every hit, celebrate every touchdown, study every play, and most importantly, I follow my gut. Led by a head coach MD Phd, an assistant coach ND, support staff acupuncturist, physical therapist, and hydrotherapist, my coaching staff is solid.

The Strugglebus starting lineup evolves as I take on different opponents. While I’ve got a few tried and true teammates (noted below with an *) I’ve never found the silver bullet — the treatment, pill, therapy, etc. — that brings everything together, dramatically accelerates performance, and ultimately wins us the title of remission. Excluding the *s, these guys have been benched:

  • Prednisone
  • Methotrexate
  • IVIG in large doses over a short period of time
  • IVIG in small doses over a long period of time
  • Gerson therapy*
  • Muscle testing*
  • Acupuncture*
  • Homeopathy
  • IV antibiotics
  • Oral antibiotics
  • Root canal extraction
  • Osteopathy
  • Jawbone cavitation surgery
  • E-STEM
  • OSR
  • Massage
  • Rolfing
  • Cranial manipulation
  • Low dose immunotherapy*
  • Supplements* (200+)
  • Tinctures*
  • Lymphatic drainage
  • Essential oils*
  • Chelation
  • Anti-parasitics
  • Colonics
  • High dose VitaminC IV
  • Ozone therapy
  • Ultraviolet blood irradiation
  • Hyperbaric oxygen therapy
  • Vitamin D injections
  • Chinese herbs*
  • Cupping
  • Something I’ve forgotten

In addition to quarterback I’m also the scout. I got a lead from a friend recently about a therapeutic machine used to treat auto-immune diseases. It’s called the AmpCoil and I have to tell you: I watched one video and sensed it was the real deal. The inventor had Lyme! The catch? Per usual, the best players cost the big bucks and this Babe’s player acquisition budget is tightAF.

Still, I kept digging. How does pulsed electromagnetic field (PEMF) therapy work? Are the testimonials legit? Will there be side effects? What are the odds of winning $8,000 from a slot machine? In my research I came across the Wellness for Humanity Foundation (WFH). It’s a non-profit that awards grants to families experiencing very severe cases of Lyme disease, allowing them to use an AmpCoil machine for treatment for four months. I applied, and won one of their first awards of 2019.

My family and I are stoked to see what the AmpCoil will do for us. I’ll be blogging about our experience here with the hopes of helping those considering making an investment in a unit, those who are new to PEMF (like me!), and those who’ve played too many seasons of the chronic illness game to give another newbie a shot.

Thank you, WFH Foundation for the opportunity to give this a go. I’ve learned a ton from everything I’ve tried (all of the “players” I’ve “played” with) and am wildly optimistic that this AmpCoil rookie could be my superstar MVP. Time to get to work and win this second half.


Stay tuned for a comprehensive State of the Union where I’ll outline where I’m starting from: diagnosis, key blood work markers, qualitative info on current functionality, etc. 

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